Swaddle (/ˈswädl/), verb: wrap (someone, especially a baby) in garments or cloth. [Swaddling is used to make a new infant feel safe and help them adjust to the newness of being earth-side.]
Why do so many of us (women) feel like we have to be so strong in our postpartum experience? We try to get into a stride of mastery immediately and give ourselves very little grace in doing so.
What if we admitted that we need to be “swaddled” too? Obviously, we don’t need to be wrapped in cloth but we do need to be wrapped in acceptance, encouragement, love, reassurance, validation, etc. We do need to feel safe as we learn to navigate the new world that becomes motherhood.
What if we admitted that we need a space where we can be vulnerable when we feel like we are failing; when we feel lost or anxious (or insert emotion)?
Why do outsiders jump to give unrequested and sometimes judgmental advice before they say, “great job”?
Want to know how to “swaddle” a new mom?
Bring her food.
Actually, don’t just bring HER food. Bring a meal for the whole damn house. In case you didn’t know, a sleep deprived new mom is starving and dehydrated, especially if she is breast feeding. Babies often have their days and nights mixed up so she is either sleeping or thinking about sleeping. Want to know what she wants and needs when she gets a break from this? FOOD!
Offer to clean something
…or fold something, or simply hold the baby while she showers, sleeps or just has a minute to herself. Don’t just come over and see the baby. Make yourself useful. A shower and/or a clean house can make a new mom not feel like such a zombie.
Don’t offer your opinion unless asked
Just let her know that she is fucking super woman and she is doing great and not many people can do what she does. Tell her she looks great. Don’t you dare mutter the words “you look tired.” No shit Sherlock.
I actually lost count of how many people told me I looked tired after giving birth. Did you forget what you learned in kindergarten? If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Ask her how she is doing
When you call, text, or speak to her, ask her how she is doing and if she needs anything before asking about the baby or anyone else.
Oftentimes, moms put themselves last. Be the person to put her first. She’ll reply appreciate it and actually have an opportunity to check in with herself.
Respect her boundaries
Honor the choices she’s making for her baby/family. If she doesn’t want her baby held all day/everyday, respect that. If she’s choosing to co-sleep, or let her baby cry for a few minutes before responding, or use formula instead of breastmilk, mind your business.
Trust me, moms doubt themselves enough for everyone. She doesn’t need another voice in her head/ear. If she researched something that she wants to try or her instincts are guiding her decisions; keep your opinions to yourself. I don’t care if you raised 20 children. Let her figure it out for herself.
What are some other ways you could “swaddle” a new mom? Leave comments below.