I am someone that doesn’t like to ask for help. I enjoy coming to the rescue for my loved ones but can’t muster up the courage to admit when I’m on the struggle bus.
Being a new mom changed this for me. It took some time and came with loads and loads of shame and anxiety but eventually, I had no choice but to submit to idea that I couldn’t do it alone. I had to embrace my postpartum tribe.
I allowed my husband to care for me.
I had to have an emergency c section and couldn’t bathe myself for a week. I have very OCD habits when bathing that I didn’t think another soul would ever see. I cried, accused him of seeing it as a chore, and apologized to him for having to “see me that way.” My husband, the Chief Operating Officer of my postpartum tribe simply loved me through the panic and insecurities and helped me get to the other side of it.
I allowed my family to be there for me.
My sisters traveled near and far to help me gain back some of my sanity. My younger sister who lived locally came over on numerous occasions just so that my husband and I could take a nap or go for a pedicure or a run. And oh how grateful we are for her.
I allowed my friends to cook for me.
I am generally the hostess with the “mostess” and enjoy cooking for people. In fact, I cooked and froze 6 weeks of food for my husband and I while in the last stages of my pregnancy. It is rare to be on the other side of the table but as a new mom, you are simply too exhausted to play Susie Homemaker. I struggled with accepting it but my friends and family came over with hot meals on multiple occasions and dare I say, I thoroughly enjoyed being on the receiving end of a home cooked meal (with leftovers).
I hired a cleaning crew.
I have diagnosable OCD. Pre-baby, I needed to deep clean every week. I’m talking baseboards, windows, and cleaning the floors on my hands and knees. Being a new mom most certainly didn’t make my OCD go away but it did put things in perspective for me. I didn’t want to spend every free weekend/moment cleaning. I wanted to snuggle with my new baby. I wanted to binge watch tv shows while she napped on my chest. I wanted to hang out with my husband with whatever time was left. Something had to give. I eventually caved and hired a biweekly cleaning service, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The cleaning crew is now a part of my postpartum tribe.
Without my postpartum tribe, I would not have made it through the first 6 months. I think it is important to remember that there is no medal for doing it all or doing it alone. Your postpartum tribe can come in many “shapes or sizes.” It can consist of in laws, friends, family, facebook groups, etc. Your postpartum tribe should be helpful, should be invested in YOU (and not just baby), should be non judgmental, and should not want anything in return.
Who is a part of your postpartum tribe? How did you allow your postpartum tribe to be there for you?